I talked to Tamra this morning. We had tentatively planned to meet up for coffee, but she had an errand she had to run downtown and I had to drop the boys off at church this morning.
We have a couple big mounds of dirt lying in the yard behind the church that need to be spread out to fill in the holes elsewhere in the yard. Since tomorrow is Friend Day, Mike decided today would be Ranger Work Day. All the Royal Rangers are gathering this morning to spread out the dirt and for those boys that need camping scholarships for next weekend (like mine), this will pay their way. Works for me!
So Tamra and I didn’t get to meet up for coffee but we did get to chat for a while and she helped reassure my mind about the bible studies. She reminded me that God will give me the strength to do this, and that if any of my ‘friends’ judge me by my past then (1) they’ll have to account for that to God and (2) they don’t need to be major players in my life anyway. She said that the chances are higher that they will see my story for what it is – my testimony – and see just how far God has brought me out from the darkness. She also reminded me that these feelings of insecurity and doubt and fear are the enemy trying to interfere b/c he knows that God’s got big plans for me and that I’m on my way to helping other women heal past pains and grow closer to God.
I know she’s right and I’m trying to remind myself of that. I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff with a rope just within my grasp, only I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to reach it before I loose my grip.