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Numb

14 Apr

I feel numb right now.  I wanna cry but what’s the point?  Crying doesn’t help anything.  I wanna scream and rant and rave, but again, what’s the point?  It’s not going to help.  All I can do is wonder why… why him, why Graham, of all people. He’s just a kid still.  (Okay, he’s just turned 23 but to me, that’s still a kid. LOL)   What purpose can God have in taking him? 

Don’t get me wrong. I know there is a purpose, and I know that someday maybe I’ll understand God’s purpose, but I still don’t get it.   I don’t wanna get it.   I wanna wake up and find out this was all a dream.   I wanna go to work in the morning and see an email from my mom or my Aunt Molly or my Aunt Jess saying that he’s okay.

I feel like I should go crawl in my prayer closet but I hurt to much.   It hurts to think about it, even to pray about it.  As soon as I start doing either, I start crying all over again.  

Manny said earlier that I looked sad, and asked me what was wrong. I just looked at him and said what did he think was wrong as the tears started to pour down my face.   Right now he’s trying to get me to eat but I’m not hungry.   All I can think of is my Aunt Judy and Uncle Phil, and Paul, Monica, Zach, Justin, Allie, Tony, and Katie and what they must be dealing with right now, how much they must be hurting.  

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Posted by on April 14, 2008 in Faith

 

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