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Tested

24 Aug

God has seen you struggling with something; God says it’s over. A blessing is coming your way.

I received that in an email from a friend Thursday afternoon, less than 24 hours after I’d been blessed beyond belief and gifted with the registration to the Hillsong United Conference. 

I had desperately wanted to attend the conference, but was unable to register after I had accepted the responsibility of helping plan a community block party that was scheduled for the same day.   Yes, I know, I could have registered and gone to the conference anyway, but I agreed to help with the block party and I felt that should take precedent as I’d given my word to be there.  The block party was post-poned due to rain, and the next thing I know, I’m being told that I’m attending the conference.  

“Excited” could not even begin to adequately describe my feelings.

Only a few people are aware of some recent struggles I’ve had with what I shall call a willful rebellion.   Prayers to my Lord to open my eyes let me to see that a few things that I had been calling a “weakness” were not a true weakness because I was not truly giving it my all to overcome them.  It was a rebellion, plain and simple.  Having acknowledged that little fact, I took it a step further and acknowledged that although it was indeed a rebellion, it was one that I was not in any way willing to give up at this time.   While I wanted to be submissive and obedient to God, it just wasn’t possible with my attitude and mentality in the position it was in.

Ouch.

Talk about a serious dilemma.  

In case you’ve never had the experience yourself, that’s not really something that you want to directly tell God.  Believe me, He’ll do whatever is necessary to set you straight.

The last few weeks have been very rough on me. I’ve had very weird dreams and a lot of restless, sleepless nights, followed by crazy days at work.  In addition to that, my family has been tested and attacked but we’ve come out stronger for it.  Did that stop my rebellion though?

No.

It made me second think my actions, but it didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted to do, knowing all the while that it wasn’t right.  I’m not saying it was wrong, because it’s not, it’s just not what I need to be doing and wasn’t going to help me become the person that I know God is moving me to be.

Flash forward to the conference.

Friday night was outstanding.  Awesome music, awesome worship, awesome message, and even better, an awesome outpouring of the Holy Spirit.  Sometime during the evening, my heart started to ache with my desire to be right with God, but still I held out.

Saturday was even better.  We rocked our socks off. We jumped and screamed and shouted and sang at the top of our lungs. We prayed and then jumped and screamed and shouted some more.  We worshipped the Lord with all that we had and then some. 

Music and worship and messages all combined to kick that spirit of rebellion right over the edge of the cliff.   God’s either gonna catch me or teach me to fly, right?  

I believe he did both. 

He caught me that morning and gave me wings.  Now it’s time to learn to fly.

I’ve already taken the first steps to do so. It’s not going to be easy and the temptations I will be faced with will be fierce – I’m certain of it.

But my God is a Mighty God. He loves me unconditionally, He will give me the strength I need to STAND FIRM in my faith and resist temptation. He will be the beacon of light in the darkness of the storm.

And now, my beloveds, it’s time I head to bed. It’s well past when I should have found myself there, but I was too excited about everything that’s happened today and I absolutely had to share my good news.  However, Sunday mornings come early in my household and I want to be at my best for worship. 

I pray everyone has a blessed day. I know I will.

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Posted by on August 24, 2008 in Faith

 

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